Much Madness Is Divinest Sense

Help?

2009-12-14T21:15:05Z

So I'm applying to graduate school. Again. Only in a completely different field. And I need help.

I'm looking at a PhD in either theology or religion; while I'd prefer theology, I recognize that most theological degrees are supposed to entail serving as a priest/minister/religious leader for a period of time, and I'm only interested in the academic aspects of such study, so I'm willing to settle for religion if need be. I'd also like to go straight into the PhD program without doing the Masters independently, but I know that might not (read: probably won't) be possible, as I have only ever taken one formal religion class in my LIFE, and am, for the most part, self-educated. (I AM capable of learning the necessary languages for such a degree on my own, however; I already have French, and I'm confident that Adam could help me scrape together some New Testament Greek.) I plan on taking at least two courses from my husband's school before applying-- probably one Old Testament class (since I'm thinking I might focus on the OT) and a Hebrew class, if they offer them late enough. I can take more than that, although fitting it all in around my work schedule will suck.

The last time I applied for graduate school, all that mattered was the quality of my writing. Now, not so much-- I mean, that still matters, but other things matter, too, and I don't really know what they are.

So, um...suggestions? Anyone have advice on getting in to grad school? Please?

Programs I'm considering so far:
MA/PhD in Christianity in Antiquity--Fordham (Pretty specialized, but I feel like this program is too cool to pass up.)
MA in Religion--Yale Divinity (I know it seems like I'm overreaching here, but remember that Yale is an EPISCOPAL SEMINARY, which means I actually know some of the people who teach there. Also, because it's Episcopal, I'm also much more familiar with Yale professors' research, and they do a lot of what I'd like to do, like working with and translating primary texts.)
PhD in Religious Studies-- UPenn (Okay, NOW I'm being overly optimistic, but I liked what I saw of Philadelphia, I like what they tell me about the program, and I think maybe if I rock the GRE I could stand a chance. [A small chance, but a chance.] And Philly is closer to our hometown than any other school I'm considering, which would be cool since I'm planning making a baby the night after I defend my thesis. Seriously, it's the Seven Year Plan. After seven years, there will be BAYBEHS.)

Suggestions for cool programs are welcome, too. Unfortunately, they can't be on the West Coast, because my mother-in-law is totally gonna want to be in town for the BAYBEHS.

And yes, I am aware that this is all impossible.

judas_mordred @ 2009-08-04T20:56:00

2009-08-05T01:58:39Z

Wow— I haven't posted here since we came to Florida. Quick update (though most of the LJ people who care about this crap will have read the blog):

-We got to Florida on the 7th of July. We've been hanging out with my awesome grandma a lot, and sleeping in the (rent-free!) extra apartment she owns next door to her house. Our cats are the only ones who are not thrilled with the temporary relocation.

-We went to Sanibel Island to celebrate Adam's 27th birthday. The obligatory "you're almost 30!" jokes were performed, and much time was spent on the beach. Additionally, Adam received 3 bottles of wine (for free! Thanks, PNN!) and a bumper sticker he's wanted for a long time.

-We're kind of broke again, since I haven't worked in about a month now. We're being extra tightwad-ish, but still, living off your savings is a pain in the butt. But that's okay, because...

-We're going to seminary! The financial aid wasn't fabulous (we'll be taking out almost $20,000/year in loans), but I'm not worried, because, unlike my phantom Masters in Journalism, Adam's ordination will actually PAY OFF. (Plus, those Northwestern folks wanted me to pay $60,000/year, and General only wants $60,000 for the entire three-year program.)

-So, yeah, we're moving to New York City. Huzzah!

Another meme.

2009-06-09T15:24:29Z

Stolen from Laura. Because I don't post about my life anymore.

BASICS
Hi, my name is: Philosophy E. Walker.
Nickname(s): Phil, Sophy, Philo, Pippi, Mrs. Walker.
Birthday: 04/16/85.
Sign: Aries.
Gender: Female.
Heritage/Ethnicity: Whitey white whiterton. Well, technically: Irish, English, and Slovak. Lame.
Birthplace: Miami, FL.
Hometown: Many, many places.
Current location: Austintown, OH.
Marital status: Married.
Siblings: Two sisters: Tatiana, 19, and Sarah, 15.
Best friends: Many.
Pets: Two cats: Charlotte Brontë and Lenore.

APPEARANCE/LOOKS/FEATURES
Eye color: Grey?
Hair color: Light brown.
Height: 5'2''.
Shoe size: 6.5 or 7.
Pant size: Anywhere between zero and 4.
Contacts/Glasses: Glasses!
Piercings: Ears: 2 (I let the top one in my right ear close up). Nose: 1.
Tattoos: I wish.
Make-up: None. Sorry to be arrogant and all, but I'm pretty enough without it.
Best physical feature: Eyes, abs, arms.
Braces: When I was in high school. I still have a "permanent" lower retainer on my bottom teeth, but it's coming off next week!
Body type: Victorian waif.
Clothing style: Seemingly random pairings of styles and colors (yesterday, for example, I wore pink hotpants, rainbow-striped kneehighs, and a black shortsleeved shirt with a hood).
Think you're attractive: I'm not beautiful, but I'm fairly pretty.

FAVORITES
Color: PINK.
Band/Artist: Lots of 'em. I don't have favorite bands so much as I have favorite songs.
TV Show: Ever: West Wing and Buffy. Currently on: America's Next Top Model, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother.
Cereal: Captain Cruch! Also my homemade granola.
Book: The Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst.
Magazine: Cosmo (yes, I know it's sexist, but SHUT UP, because it's sooooo hilarious to read!), Time, Newsweek, Bon Appetit.
Food: Thai food, sushi, Lebanese food, Indian food.
Drink: Coffee, tea, ice water.
Flower: Nasturtiums.
Website: Uh, my own: A New Philosophy.
Actor/Actress: Ever: Katherine Hepburn. Nowadays: Anne Hathaway and Kristin Bell.
Comedian: Lisa Lampanelli.
Shoe brand: I shop at discount and thrift stores, so I don't really care what brands I buy.
Clothing brand: '' ''
Store: See above.
Play: The Importance of Being Earnest
Cartoon character: Can Wall-E count?
Sport: To watch: hockey. To do: fishing, running, golfing (YES, they count!)
Item of clothing: My leather flats.
Quote: ""Moses' law cannot be valid simply and completely in all respects for us. We have to take into consideration the character and ways of our land when we want to make or apply laws or rules, because our rules and laws are based on the character of our land and its ways and not on those of the land of Moses, just as Moses' laws are based on the ways and character of his people and not those of ours." -Martin Luther. Yeah, bitches— MARTIN LUTHER hated fundamentalist nutcases, and so do I.
Board game: Scrabble. I've only ever lost once.
Video game: Wii Fit (Although my mom is getting that new EA Sports Active game, so that might soon replace Wii Fit in my heart...oh, I want a Wii...)
Animal: Kitties!
Subject in school: In regular high school: English (even with Mrs. Martz). At boarding school: IB Theatre, Higher Level. In college: All of my political science classes. I have no idea why I didn't major in political science. Probably because my blood pressure would have shot through the roof.
Car: I'd love a Smart Car. If I couldn't have that, I'd love a Cube.
Scent/Perfume: Um...lavender? I don't wear perfume.
Instrument: Flute (I play it!), organ (I wish I could play it!).
Music genre: Classical music.
Type of chocolate: ANYTHING. Seriously, folks, there's no such thing as bad chocolate.
Athlete: Sidney Crosby.
Hairstyle: On gals: Cute shortish cuts (think Claire's hair). On guys: either long-ish and curly, or buzzed.

FUTURE PLANS
Occupation: Writer. Oh, wait, that's what I'm doing NOW.
College: Uh...yeah. I'm officially the oldest person on livejournal.
Spouse: Okay, now I'm the oldest person on the entire internet.
Children: One child, in exactly nine years. And to everyone who gives me all that "Well, you never know what will happen, wink wink" crap, I say to you: I'm responsible about birth control, and I believe in abortion. I CAN CHOOSE WHEN I WANT A KID, YOU PRICKS. And it's gonna be a girl, because I'm going to secretly use Shettles, but I'm going to tell Adam that the strange methods we're using are just to "increase fertility." Heh. I'm so tricksy.
Their names: We've already got the girl's name: Fiona. For a guy? I like scary Old Testament names (Aram, Omri) but Adam just likes James. After his father. SHEESH.
Fraternity/Sorority: Uh, no.
City: Don't really care, as long as it's not in Ohio.
House: Eh, maybe never. We're not that keen on space. Plus, I think raising kids in apartments builds character. I was raised in apartments for most of my life, and I turned out great— right? Right?
Income: Uh, well, more than $10,000/year would be great. i'm not that picky.
Car: Haven't I already answered this question?

RANDOM
Cellphone service: T-mobile.
Job: Freelance writer / part-time fireworks company secretary
Ever been in a fight: Not in a long time.
Ever been to church: All the time!
Ever gotten surgery: Nothing other than stitches.
Ever been to a concert: Yeah.
Which one(s): MuteMath, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.
Allergies: Pollen, cats, shellfish (but the rash is totally worth it— I love scallops), stupid people, mosquito bites.
Fears: Oblivion (sucks to be an Episcopalian and not necessarily believe in an afterlife, doesn't it?), being alone in rooms, bugs, heights, dead things.
Are you flexible: Not physically, and not really mentally, either. I like to try new things, but I'm not good at having my plans disrupted. I have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, which means I want to control EVERYTHING and EVERYONE, ALL THE TIME. So when things don't go my way, I am...less than flexible, we shall say.
Are you double jointed: My elbows are!
Ever drink: Yum!
Ever smoke: I tried it once. It was a complete disaster. Yuck.
Most embarrassing moment: Laughing so hard that I peed my pants at camp when I was nine.
Ultimate pizza topping: Anything meat, and mushrooms.
What do you wear to sleep: PJs!
Are you shy: Kind of. I don't like crowds or groups of people, but I'm pretty good at one-on-one.
Bad habits: Massive sugar consumption, being controlling, crying excessively or at inappropriate moments.
Do you sing in the shower: Sometimes...
Do you eat meat: Hells yeah!
Scared of bugs: EWWWWW YES.
Fave childhood toy: Stuffed animals (cats, specifically) and Barbies.

judas_mordred @ 2009-05-29T20:58:00

2009-05-30T01:04:29Z

Uh, so, we might be moving to Berkeley instead?

Adam and I had to meet with the Bishop, since he has to approve Adam's seminary plans and stuff. And so Adam tells him that he applied to General Theological in NYC and Virginia Theological Seminary outside of DC, he's like, "Well, that's cool with me, but have you considered Bexley Hall?"

And at that point I politely explained (and I think I was very restrained and mature about this) that if I don't get out of Ohio I am likely to KILL A BITCH.

So he's like, "Okaaaaay... how about CDSP?" And Adam's like, "We liked the Berkeley school, but their application deadline was in, like, April or something."

And the Bish is all like, "Oh, well, I'm on the Board of Directors, so I'll just call them up and we'll see about you going there."

So...lots of options. Behind Door Number One, we have New York— it's familiar, it's close to a lot of my friends, and there'll be a done of newspaper and magazine jobs there. Behind Door Number Two: D.C., where I know several people and where I can find some political writing jobs. And Door Number Three is now California, which sounds like a whole lot of fun, and is definitely a place where we could have all sorts of adventures.

All of those places seem like good places to live. All of those places seem like places where I could find a job, and a good grad school program after Adam is all squared away. And all of those places would be suitable places for Adam to serve his diaconate, and maybe get his first rector position, and thus would be fabulous places for us to have a baby in nine or ten years, should we become stuck in the web that is the local diocese system for that long.

Any door is fine with me. I just want to choose the damn door already. I'm tired of things being so up in the air like this.

judas_mordred @ 2009-05-25T11:16:00

2009-05-25T15:17:56Z

A horse stepped on my foot last night, and it may or may not be broken. Well, the foot, not the horse. It probably isn't, though— it's just sore and bruised and gross-looking.

But other than that, Adam's graduation party was awesome.

judas_mordred @ 2009-04-29T21:57:00

2009-04-30T02:05:02Z

I'm so annoyed that this woman thinks Carrie Prejean was standing up for any sort of Christian principle. Geez, lady— READ THE BIBLE. JESUS DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT WHO YOU LOVE. I hate Perez Hilton, too, but that doesn't make that bitch a saint.

For other people, the hardest part of faith is church attendance, or true belief, or a particular theological issue. For me, it's sharing the title of "Christian" with intolerant, unkind people who think hatred is the work of God.

And now for an un-Christian moment: STUPID STUPID STUPID.

judas_mordred @ 2009-04-21T13:13:00

2009-04-21T17:32:08Z

So, hilariously enough, I actually watched the movie version of that horrible vampire book.

...and surprisingly enough, it wasn't as bad as the novel.

For one thing, the movie version eradicates the original author's painful abuse of adjectives (e.g., "sparkling," "dazzling," and "beautiful," all of which are used approximately 4,687,597 times EACH in the novel), and whomever wrote the script seemed to at least attempt to naturalize and smooth over some of the clunky dialogue. The movie does seem to be appropriately embarrassed by the blatant sexism that appeared in the book, at least enough to try and tone it down— e.g., the creepy way that Bella cooks and cleans for her daddy seems to be largely absent, Bella's absurd clumsiness is made into a more natural teenage awkwardness, and a few of the female characters seem to have been changed in order to help them appear at least vaguely skilled/interesting. They even managed to make a kind of sense out of the silly pseudo-gang-rape-attempt scene; at least in the movie, the random threatening guys are slobbering drunk, so it doesn't seem to come out of left field as much when they try to make it with the mousy high school girl they just glimpsed in the parking lot. The message is a little less "guys will try and rape you if you walk places without a male escort to protect you" and a little more "people can be violent when they drink too much beer." So there's that.

Of course, the grossness of Edward's stalkerishness is still there ("I like to watch you sleep"), and Bella is still clingy and whiny and needy ("Don't ever leave me— don't even talk about it"), and Edward is still trying to channel Lord Byron and failing utterly, and the stupid thing still ends at the Prom, which is as lame and stupid as it gets. But I gleaned a passibly entertaining two hours from the experience, which is more than I can say for the horrific several days I spent trying to force myself to keep my eyes on the pages of the novel version.

So I say: rent the damn thing, pick up a few six-packs of wine coolers at the store, get a few friends together, and enjoy.

judas_mordred @ 2009-03-29T00:23:00

2009-03-29T04:24:26Z

Oh, come now— this isn't really a recipe.

EDIT: Also, neither is this.

I love irony.

EDIT: It just keeps getting better. This recipe site is AWESOME.

judas_mordred @ 2009-03-21T16:59:00

2009-03-21T21:02:25Z

The best part of marriage is this:

When you have an embarrassing (yet relatively minor) personal health issue, your spouse will not only drive to the drug store to pick up some medication— he'll also be absolutely unfazed by the grossness of said health issue. In fact, he'll dry your tears and tell you that it's perfectly normal and that it's happened to him and he'll help you cheer up faster than you thought possible.

I love my husband.

Writer's Block: Really, Truly

2009-03-14T11:48:09Z

Do you believe in true love? What about love at first sight?

View 501 Answers

My initial reaction is, of course, yes, at least on the first count, not the second. I don't believe in "love at first sight"; when I first saw the love of my life, I didn't fall for him instantly, even though there was definitely some major ATTRACTION when we first saw one another. I actually don't think love has anything to do with sight, and certainly isn't connected to first impressions. I do, however, believe in "true love"— that is, I believe that you can live happily and lovingly with someone for the rest of your life. However, I don't think everyone has just ONE "soulmate"— I think that, depending on your personality, you can have between one and a million true loves.

For example, if you're a particularly kind and loving person, there could be many, many people with whom you could build a life out there. There may even be multiple people with whom you could build lives AT THE SAME TIME. For me, however, there may actually only be a couple of people I could ever love, because I am a hateful person who despises most of the people on the planet.

Of course, while I only have one romantic soulmate, I have several platonic soulmates: Claire, Leora, Rita, Yas, Lau, Maya, and several other sweet, kindly people whom I do truly love. And in a sense, my mom is my soulmate, too, since she understands me so much better than most people do.

When it comes down to it, though, I only have one "life partner" type of soulmate— and he's my husband. I've always been a very monogamous person, mostly because I a) hate everyone, and b) generally prefer keeping my family small. Here's the largest my little family will ever get: Adam + me + one child + two cats (maybe a small dog). That's it— any more people, and I'll start to get pissed off. It's just how I am— I don't like large groups of people, and I prefer one-on-one situations to almost anything else.

judas_mordred @ 2009-03-12T23:46:00

2009-03-13T03:48:31Z

Three of my four wisdom teeth are now gone. Well, as Adam just pointed out, they're not GONE— they're actually lying on the kitchen table. That's right: my dentist let me keep my wisdom teeth. Even though one of them is in little tiny pieces, it's still kind of cool to see.

In other news, Vicoden is a son of a bitch.

judas_mordred @ 2009-03-04T22:05:00

2009-03-05T03:49:21Z

I hate nights when Adam has to work. BOR-ING. I can't even eat any comfort food this evening, because I gave up chocolate for Lent, and somehow I forgot that tonight was the series premiere of ANTM and totally missed out. BLAH.

In other news, I think my mother-in-law subconsciously wants me to have a baby. She's seems convinced that we're going to drop a big B-bomb on her every time we speak to her. Like, right after we got married, I was talking with her about what I was going to do with my wedding dress, and I mentioned that I was thinking of making it into a christening gown, and her eyes got all big and she clutched my arm and said, "You're not PREGNANT, are you?"

And then Adam says that the other day, he called her a couple times to ask her for a recipe but she wasn't there. Later on, she called him back and was like, "What did you want to talk to me about?" and he was all, "Could you gimme your recipe for angel food cake?" and she was all, "Oh, I thought you were going to tell me that you're having a baby."

MY mother, on the other hand, is trying a different tactic: repeatedly telling me I'd make a terrible mother. Gee, thanks, ma.

I for one am totally in support of separating the idea of marriage from the idea of having kids. I mean, I WANT to have them (well, ONE), but much later on, and I feel like every other person I meet is all up in my face with, "Are you having kids?" and "Why haven't you had kids?" and "I dunno if you should have kids." GEEZ, PEOPLE. Can we give it a rest? I've only been married...what, not even six months?

BAH.

judas_mordred @ 2009-02-27T18:14:00

2009-02-27T23:16:09Z

Oh. My. Gosh. Erin May gave me the most exciting news ever.

America's Next Top Model is casting girls SHORTER THAN 5'7''. IT'S AN ENTIRE "SHORT" SEASON.

I love that show. I weigh 96 lbs. I am 5'2''. There is a Pittsburgh casting on March 6th.

HOW HILARIOUS WOULD THIS BE? Discuss.

judas_mordred @ 2009-02-26T07:14:00

2009-02-26T12:17:53Z

So I have to get to work and am sort of in a hurry, or else I would do this myself....but can some of you folks deal with this blog post, entitled "Does Pornography Cause Rape"? It's not particularly well written or anything— it's just annoyingly silly and poorly thought out. I think that some of you would be pretty good at helping this woman to see the errors in her logic, and while I will comment at a later date, I thought one or two of you out there might be interested in verbally beating the crap out of her.

HELP!

2009-02-05T19:07:17Z

Everyone? I need your help.

I'm writing this essay for Barron's College Guide, and in the essay I need a list of prominent Vassar grads to appear. I made a list, and then Jeff Kosmacher (the director of media relations at Vassar) added some and deleted some, but I'm not sure I agree with all the deletions/additions he made. Therefore, I'm asking for your opinion!

Take a look at the list below the lj cut. This is the complete list of grads I want to include and grads Jeff wants to include. Then comment with your reflections. Here are some things to think about:

Vassar students/alums: which alums impressed you? Which didn't? Did any make you proud or glad to have attended Vassar? Which alums had you known about before attending Vassar? Which do you wish you had known about? Can you think of any others you'd add to the list?

Persons not affiliated with Vassar: are you impressed by any of the alums? Are you repulsed or turned off by any of them? If you were going college shopping, which names would impress you the most?

I know that big-name alums aren't a reason to go to a college, but as I'm writing this essay to promote Vassar, I've got to think about this kind of stuff.

Thanks for reading!

(PS: I don't have everyone's class year yet, so that's not completely accurate.)

The List

Ellen Swallow Richards, 1870, Founder of Ecology

Crystal Eastman, ’03, Coauthor of the Equal Rights Amendment

Edna St. Vincent Millay, ’17, Pulitzer Prize-winning Poet

Mary Steichen Calderone, ’25, “Grandmother” of Sex Education

Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper, ’28, Computing pioneer and co-inventor of the COBOL language

Mary McCarthy, ’33, Pulitzer Prize-winning Author

Elizabeth Bishop, ’34, Pulitzer Prize-winning Poet

Vera Cooper Rubin, ’48, Astronomer proved the existence of “Dark Matter”

Anne Armstrong '49, Counselor to two U.S. Presidents

Mary Oliver, ’54, Pulitzer Prize-winning Poet

Elizabeth Titus-Putnam, ’55, Founder of the Student Conservation Association

Sau Lan Wu, ’63, High-Energy Particle Physicist, Co-discoverer of Gluon

Nina Zagat '63, co-founder of the Zagat Survey and guidebooks

Bernardine Healy, M.D. '65, Director of the National Institutes of Health, cardiologist

Ellen Silbergeld '67, MacArthur Fellow, public health scholar and advocate

Lucinda Franks, Pulitzer prize-winning journalist

Geraldine Laybourne, Founder of Nickelodeon and Oxygen Media networks

Meryl Streep, ’71, Academy Award-winning Actress

Jane Smiley, ’71, Pulitzer Prize-winning Author

Richard W. Roberts, ’74, U.S. District Court Judge

Vicki Miles-LaGrange '74, U.S. Chief District Court Judge

Chip Reid '77, Chief White House Correspondent, CBS

Eben Ostby, ’77, Acadmy Award-winning computer animator

Phil Griffin, ’79, President of MSNBC

Rick Lazio, ’80, U.S. Congressman

John Carlstrom, ’81, MacArthur Fellow and Astrophysicist

Matthew Brelis '80, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist

Lisa Kudrow, ’85, Costar of Friends, Emmy Award winner

Marc Thiessen '89, Chief Presidential speechwriter

Noah Baumbach, ’91, Academy Award-nominated writer and director

Caterina Fake '91, Co-founder of Flickr

Ethan Zohn, ’96, Survivor: Africa winner and co-founder of Grassroot Soccer

Sam Endicott, ’99, Lead Singer of The Bravery

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-31T17:41:00

2009-01-31T22:42:31Z

I am very unhappy, and it's beginning to affect my health.

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-27T20:16:00

2009-01-28T01:22:19Z

I have been working forty hours a week at an accounting firm. Yes, you heard me correctly, and no, I do not have any clue what I'm doing. I have a major writing deadline in a week and I am not prepared. Adam is in pain, and has not slept or done homework at all this week. He may have to quit his job, which would leave us to survive on $8/hour and without health insurance. Due to his car accident last week, we have no vehicle whatsoever.

I am tired, and it's STILL snowing, and somehow the only channel that is coming in clearly on my TV is currently showing "The Biggest Loser: Families."

It's that time of year again, folks. Let's hope that, this time around, it doesn't end with me being committed.

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-20T20:49:00

2009-01-21T01:51:40Z

Adam had a car accident today and spent the day in the ER.

...I never thought I'd be watching the Obama inauguration while my husband's head is stitched up beside me.

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-17T12:34:00

2009-01-17T17:47:55Z

So I did NOT apply for the Rose grant.

And before y'all yell at me, it's because I'm ashamed not to have published any poetry this year. There— I said it. I feel like a failure for having published nothing creative since, well, high school. And I'm sure they're going to want to pick someone who has had their work exhibited in some sort of public way this year. Half of the questions on the application form I would have had to leave completely blank, so I'm sure that's an indication that it wasn't the best idea for me to apply.

I think perhaps if I come to the inevitable conclusion that I am not a spectacular poet (at least compared with a lot of published poets today) then I can sort of free myself from the pressing need to prove myself by publishing or winning contests and just sort of write poems because I enjoy writing them. That's not to say that I'm not good— I am good, pretty durn good, but I'm not great, and in this industry, at this time in our history, you have to be dazzling to be noticed. I'm not dazzling— they may call me the Emily Dickinson of Vassar, but it's more because my poems resemble Dickinson's life (quiet, simple, shy) than her work. (Well, and also I'm eccentric and keep to myself, so that's probably the real reason for the moniker. If I started wearing only white and fell in love with a woman then the comparison would truly be complete.)

But I'm still working on stuff (my sestinas are all-consuming!) and I did just send off another round of poems to journals and stuff, so we'll see how it goes.

Please don't be mad at me, guys. I'm just tired of being reminded that I'll never be great. I need a break from throwing myself into the soul-crushing fray of the publishing world, and I think a couple months of writing instead of sending poems out will make me feel better. And this way, when I get to NYC, I can have some fresh material for editors to reject and rip apart.

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-14T23:23:00

2009-01-15T04:43:54Z

Know what I just realized?

I'm not as weird as I thought.

I'm not a freak of nature for being married at 23. In fact, I have plenty of friends who are married.

Kate Tracy is married. Tani is married (and also has chillens). Tiffany is married. Tricia is engaged. Michelle is engaged. John and Aynara? Engaged.

I also have plenty of single friends who have no desire to date anyone, plenty of friends in serious relationships, and plenty of friends enjoying some fun casual stuff with multiple people. And all of these things are perfectly normal for people our age.

I'm so used to being in a specific, narrow age band wherein everyone I know is doing almost exactly the same thing (in ninth grade, everyone was thinking about the future and learning how to kiss correctly; in eleventh grade everyone was taking tests and freaking out about graduating; in my freshman year of college everyone was trying hard to look as though they were actual grown-ups instead of scared drunk kids) that it's weird to suddenly realize I'm grown and therefore could plausibly be doing anything with my life at this point. There's no natural next step, at least not like there was after I graduated from high school. It's like, once you're a grown-up, you're not expected to be on a certain path at the same time as everyone else in your social circle. I can be married, and at the same time I can chat with my best friend about a guy she slept with last week; I can be poor and doing a shitty entry-level job and yet I can talk another close friend about her awesome job with sweet perks in DC; I can dutifully take my birth control pills everyday, and then put my hand to my church friend's belly to feel her baby kick.

This is it. This is the point where they open the gates and we all go running off in different directions.

...

And it gets a little less scary every time you say these grown-up things out loud. When we first got engaged, it felt so odd to be saying things like "when we're married" or "on my wedding day," because I'd never imagined getting married before. Now I say "my husband" ten times a day and don't even think about how weird that sounds. A few years ago I'd have ripped out my womb if you'd told me I'd ever want to have a baby; now Adam and I talk about trying to conceive (TRYING! As though it's something we'd WANT to happen!) in eight to ten years, when he's settled into his first real parish following his deaconage period. I couldn't have ever dreamed I'd be driving about Youngstown like a fully-fledged adult with no major automobile fears, but here I am, popping off to work in my beat up Chevy Silverado (I own a truck now! A TRUCK. Isn't life incredible?), casually handling the wheel as though I'm an old hat at this sort of thing.

They're ordinary things, these reminders that we're getting older. Gone are the days when I stayed up until 4 a.m.; now I'm lucky if I make it past midnight. I pay the electric bill, the car insurance, the phone bill, and these are the things that make me feel good, rather than a new computer game or a completed English essay. I receive paychecks, which I place into a checking account AND a savings account. I read books on personal finance. I know what a fixed-rate mortgage is. I have my own insurance now— not my parents', but my husband's.

I am filed as no one's dependant, and never will be again, unless, I suppose, my future child supports me in my old age.

And while I'm still as trim as ever (96 pounds, baby!), there are already signs and symptoms in my body of what will be. I'm thickening ever so slightly; my thighs are a little broader, my tummy is a little rounder, my breasts settle a little differently than they once did. I'm not heavier, but I feel...different. Things are shifting about. I get aches and pains in my back, in my legs. There are little laugh lines forming around my mouth, tiny worry lines across my forehead. I don't fall asleep as easily as I once did, but I wake up earlier now, too. And that weird, horrible twinge somewhere in my abdomen has happened (twice in all, now) and that's a feeling you can't forget.

But you know, none of that scares me, because my mother is 54, and she is smart and beautiful and the best person I know.

So I say: bring it on, bitches. I've enjoyed the practice sessions, but now I'm ready for the real trip to start.

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-14T09:56:00

2009-01-14T15:14:55Z

Stole this meme from my dad's colleague's blog. I'm at work, so I consequently have nothing else to do.

Things I have done are in bold.

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars (Mmmm, stars. So pretty in NEw Mexico!)
3. Played in a band (I sang. Does that count?)
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain (Not, like, Mt. Everest or anything, but some small-ish ones)
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped (EW EW EW. Never.)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty (Nope, only the base...the top is still closed from 9-11!)
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse (I think I have, anyways...)
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (Heh. No way.)
32. Been on a cruise (Not yet, anyway.)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language (I'm counting this, as most of my learning of French took place IN France just by being there. Also, I taught myself to read in English, so I totally think I get this one.)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (I bought a group of strange girls coffee drinks at a cafe once, so I'm counting this.)
44. Visited Africa (I WISH.)
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris (Nope, no top for me. I hate heights. I stood at the base, as it was just as good.)
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (I was in some student films in college.)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China (Again: I WISH.)
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class (For school, no less!)
59. Visited Russia (WISH WISH WISH!)
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (NO, and I'm pissed about it. We moved to Youngstown, land of you-can't-be-in-Girl-Scouts-unless-you-know-the-troop-leader-personally, the year before I was eligible to sell. BOOOOO.)
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW.)
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (Not a check, but I DID bounce a debit card transaction before. Hey, it wasn't my fault. The cashier swiped my card twice and the thing charged me twice accidentally.)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar (Eh. Didn't like it much.)
72. Pieced a quilt (I helped my mom when I was little...)
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone (Nope!)
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle (You mean, like, a motorcycle that is going over the speed limit? If so, then no. But I've been on a moving motorcycle before.)
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book (WISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.)
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car (No. I haven't ever bought a car, and if I DID buy a car, I'd buy one used.)
83. Walked in Jerusalem (WISH!)
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury (I want jury duty, but they just won't give it to me! :( )
91. Met someone famous (A lot of them, actually.)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby (Ew. Not yet, thanks. Talk to me again in ten years.)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-08T23:26:00

2009-01-09T04:50:17Z

100 Truths

1. last beverage→ Water, which I drank out of a Coke glass for some reason.
2. last phone call→ My grandmother, who gave me a lot of money because she feels bad for me.
3. last text message→ My husband.
4. last song you listened to→ I don't really remember. Something on the Sirius radio while we were driving home.
5. last time you cried→ Like, two hours ago.

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. dated someone twice→ Like, after we'd already broken up? NO. I actually have a pretty firm philosophical stance on that.
2. been cheated on? Um, pretty much every guy I ever dated other than Adam ended up cheating on me.
3. kissed someone & regretted it? Nope.
4. lost someone special?→ Yes.
5. been depressed?→ I don't think so, but when I get down, I get REALLY REALLY down.
6. been drunk and thrown up? A coupla times, but that's because my tolerance level is way lower than most people's (since I'm teeny tiny) so I have trouble realizing that I have to cut myself off way before everyone else stops drinking.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
1. PINK
2. Black
3. Silver

THIS Semester HAVE YOU:
1. Made a new friend → Yes!
2. Fallen out of love → No.
3. Laughed until you cried → Definitely.
4. Met someone who changed you – Sonia said "Everyone I meet changes me." And I concur.
5. Found out who your true friends were → In some ways.
6. Found out someone was talking about you → Who doesn't talk about me? I'm talk-about-able! :P
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list → On the cheek? Why yes.
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → Almost all of them (except for Rixel...)
9. How many kids do you want to have→ One. We like the idea of a small family.
10. Do you have any pets → Charlotte Brontë!
11. Do you want to change your name→ Never!
12. What did you do for your last birthday→ I had to look this up for the last meme, and I really don't feel like doing that again.
13. What time did you wake up today → First time: 5:50 am (to talk Adam to work); second time: 10:30 am.
14. What were you doing at midnight last night → Sleeping?
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for → To move to NYC!
16. Last time you saw your father→ Um, five hours ago?
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → I concur with Sonia RE: the historical change. In my personal life? I wish I could find a job and not live in Youngstown.
18. What are you listening to right now → The stupid BCS Championship game that Adam's watching.
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → Uh, yes.
20. What's getting on your nerves right now → The economy.

1. What's your real name? → Philosophy Elizabeth Walker.
2. Nicknames→ Sophy, Phil, Philly, Pippi, Toad
3. Relationship Status → Married, bitches!
4. Zodiac sign → Aries.
5. Male or female → Das girl.
6. Elementary? Colfax Elementary (Pittsburgh, PA)
7. Middle School → Struthers Middle School (Struthers, OH)
8. High school → Until my junior year: Struthers High. After that: Armand Hammer United World College of the American West (Montezuma, NM).
10. Hair color → Brown-ish.
11. Long or short → Long.
15. Are you health freak → Kind of. I'm into a well-balanced diet and lots of exercise, but I also love love love sugar.
16. Height → 5'2''
17. Do you have a crush on someone? My husband!
18: What do you like about yourself? → I'm a pretty good writer.
19. Piercings → Ears and nose.
20. Tattoos → I want one of the Socialist Rose on my back!
21. Righty or lefty → Righty tighty.

FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → I've never had anything invasive, although I had stitches in my head when I was three and had metal removed from my eyes at age two. I'm about to have all four of my wisdom teeth out, though, which will require me to be under anesthesia.
23. First piercing → Ears, when I was six months old! Oh, good old Miami.
24. First best friend → Mike, when I was three.
26. First sport you joined – I never joined a sport. I hate sports other than hockey, and I'm too tiny and frail to play hockey.
27. First pet – Emma Goldman, my parents' tabby cat that we had when I was a toddler.
28. First vacation→ Probably over to Tampa to see my grandma and grandpa.
29. First concert → Mute Math and Eisley (last year!)
30. First crush – A boy named Michael when I was in first grade. I LOVED boys in elementary school!
49. Eating → Nothing.
50. Drinking → Nothing.
52. I'm about to → Go to sleep.
53. Listening to → Didn't I just answer this question?
55. Waiting for → This game to end so Adam and I can go to sleep.

YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? Not for ten years. And then, only one.
59. Want to get married? Um, it's a bit late for that... seriously, am I too old for LiveJournal?
60. Careers in mind? Writer, writer, writer, lawyer, priest, writer, journalist, and writer.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? :
68. Lips or eyes → Eyes.
69. Hugs or kisses → Both, at the same time.
70. Shorter or taller → 6', to be exact. :P
71. Older or Younger → Older. By three years.
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Um, both.
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → Arms!
74. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive.
75. Hook-up or relationship → Depends, but I'm usually much more into relationships.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant--> Like Sonia said, "Depends very much on the situation."

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → Yes.
79. Drank hard liquor --> Yes.
80. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes.
81. Ran away from home → Yes. I didn't get very far, though. I was about ten.
84. Broken someone's heart → Yes, but accidentally.
85. Been arrested → No. But my sister has...
86. Turned someone down → Yes.
87. Cried when someone died → YES.
88. Liked a guy friend? No, because I don't usually have a lot of guy friends, and the ones I *do* have are mostly brother-like figures.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself-> Sometimes.
90. Miracles → Do I believe that angels swoop down and save people from burning buildings? No. But I do think that, with God's help, individual human beings are capable of extraordinary things.
91. Love at first sight— I'm with Sonia on this: no, but lust at first sight can happen.
92. Heaven → Well, I believe something weird happens when we die, but I don't think that people who are "good" or believe the right things go to heaven and "bad" people go to hell. I think that whatever happens happens equally to all of us.
93. Santa Claus – Always. :P
96. Angels → Not ones with wings and little gold harps.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? No.
99. Do you believe in God? Yes, but he's not your average God.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? Duh.

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-08T18:26:00

2009-01-09T02:12:02Z

So during my random Wikipedia wanderings today, I stumbled upon the Wikipedia article for Wii Fit, which so happens to be my obsession of the year. And I have to say, some of the reviews for the game made me kind of angry, mostly because some of these game reviewers seem to be under the impression that they are fitness gurus. Excuse me, but I can guarantee that I work out and eat healthier than any of those couch potato bitches.

For example, the review at IGN says this:

"We believe that Nintendo made a misstep in relying solely on BMI to gauge weight loss success stories in Wii Fit -- the measurement was never designed to be utilized this way and the results are oftentimes misleading. If you stand 5'10" and weigh 150 pounds, your BMI will fall well within the standard and you will be labeled normal. However, the game doesn't account for different body structures and muscle mass. It merely measures your weight and assigns you a label. Fine, if you really are skinny or traditionally fit or even fine if you are truly obese. But what about all the people who already exercise on a regular basis and have greater muscle mass to show for it?"

Okay, this is flagrant misuse of a modern day urban legend. Repeat after me: MUSCLE DOES NOT WEIGH MORE THAN FAT. Fat is bulkier and, in certain situations and certain cultures, can be considered less appealing to look at, but five pounds of muscle is still five pounds of muscle.

So while I agree that you should ideally discuss your BMI with a doctor if you're actually attempting to lose weight, I take issue with the theory that, in a full-grown adult, measuring one's BMI would somehow trick a perfectly healthy person into thinking they're fat. If you weigh too much for your height category, then you weigh too much, and being "big boned" or having a "large frame" doesn't really save you there. I think the IGN reviewer is confusing what's accepted as normal in America with what's healthy, and quite frankly, what is considered average in terms of fitness and weight in this country is not at all healthy. And to be honest, I think it's possible that some people— the kind of people who watch The Biggest Loser just so they can laugh nastily and say, "Well, that made me feel better about myself, because I'm not THAT unhealthy"— are just bitter because they don't want to face up to the fact that they are living a sedentary, unhealthy lifestyle, and the Wii Fit puts that squarely in their faces.

Then there's Gamespot's review, which claims that "with the board able to take only 330lbs (150kg) maximum weight, [the Wii fit is] locking out the particularly robust from joining in on the Wii Fit fad." Um, if you weigh 330lbs, you're either 1) an NFL linebacker, or 2) in desperate need of a serious visit to the doctor. No video workout is going to help you if you're too heavy for the Wii fit, so don't bother. Instead, pick up a phone and get some serious medical help.

The review also claims that the game allows the possibility of cheating:

"But while the board is extremely sensitive when it comes to weight, it can't actually track what you're doing with your upper body. This means you can easily "cheat" your way through most of the exercises by simply shifting your weight to where Wii Fit indicates it should be. It's even easier to cheat in the few activities where you don't use the board at all. In jogging, you're supposed to either tuck the Wii Remote into a pocket or hold it in your hand while running on the spot, but you can achieve the same effect by simply waggling the Wii Remote."

Uh, guys? If you're cheating at a fitness game, you're 1) pathetic, or 2) deeply disturbed.

It's also funny how so many reviewers complain that the activities on the Wii Fit are not in and of themselves sufficient to cause major weight loss. Well, duh. NOTHING ON ITS OWN IS SUFFICIENT TO HELP YOU BECOME HEALTHY. If you have a Wii Fit and you really want to be healthy, you have to combine the exercises on the Wii Fit with a general increase in activity (taking the stairs instead of the elevator, walking instead of driving, playing team sports or participating in dance classes) and a healthy diet. And, you see, the Wii Fit ACTUALLY SAYS THIS DURING THE COURSE OF THE GAME. It reminds players MULTIPLE times that, in order to truly live a healthy lifestyle, you have to make physical activity and healthy eating a part of your daily lifestyle. It also provides an activity log, which allows you to enter in how much exercise you've done outside the game so that the game can give you credit for it. The Wii Fit is merely intended to 1) introduce you to the multiple ways in which you can stimulate your muscles, and 2) replace your usual gaming time (which usually is spent sitting still on a couch for several hours in a row) with something that forces you to move about. It is not intended as a miracle weight loss program or a replacement for a personal fitness regiment.

Most annoying is this complaint from Gramespot:

"What's even more baffling is the lack of an option for players to create their own workout programs by stringing exercises together. That means you can't choose, let's say, four yoga, three muscle, and two aerobic exercises to create a tailored half-hour program. Instead, you'll have to select an activity using the Wii Remote, perform it, jump back into the main menu, select another activity, and so on. It's jarring, and certainly not the smooth workout experience many were probably expecting from Wii Fit."

GASP. You mean you actually have to spend five seconds on a menu in order to CHOOSE A NEW ACTIVITY? Oh, the horror. And what even sillier is, the Wii Fit program doesn't measure your progress by how long you spend on the game; it measures how long you actually spend doing activities, so taking those extra seconds to move between activities never throws off your workout time.

I think that, really, it's the tone of so many of these game reviewers that pissed me off— what, like you guys are fitness experts? I seem to recall many of you (I'm looking at you, IGN reviewer) mentioning spending upwards of eighteen hours straight on couches playing Zelda or Super Mario Bros. Honestly, I feel like some of these guys are just pissed that the video game system that shunned pure power for mass appeal ended up being so much more successful than the testosterone-packed X-Box360 or the repetitively-named Playstation 3.

The Wii is the best game system I've ever played, and Wii Fit is my favorite game for that system. To summarize: game reviewers may KISS MY PHYSICALLY FIT ASS.

Ten Things I Learned From Wikipedia

2009-01-08T17:55:17Z

All ten of these things were discovered by me on Wikipedia, and in each case I have linked to either the actual Wikipedia page or to a source given on Wikipedia.

1. Lou Dobbs is a racist who is married to a Mexican American woman.
2. Homosexual behavior is found in almost every species on earth.
3. Operating the Wii Remote has given some people a form of tennis elbow known as Wiiitis.
4. Oprah had a baby at age 14.
5. Professor Kumar writes poems? What?
6. I have managed to progress from living in a town that is 97% white to living in a town that is only 92% white. Wow, what great diversity.
7. Cindy McCain (known then as Cindy Lou Hensley) was named Junior Rodeo Queen of Arizona in 1968.
8. The following people went to the same university my husband is attending: Thomas Bopp (who discovered the Hale-Bopp comet), Ed O'Neill (the guy from Married...With Children) Ron Parise (astronaut), and Riyad Mansour (Permenant Representative to the UN from Palestine).
9. My millionaire benefactor has his own Wikipedia page!
10. Pairs Hilton didn't even graduate from high school. She earned her GED sometime after she was expelled from her school.

judas_mordred @ 2009-01-02T14:28:00

2009-01-02T19:31:43Z

Well, work is lazy but enjoyable. Only about five people showed up today, so it's been a whole lot of nothing.

Went to Rosetta Stone on my lunch break with Adam, and boy, it was GOOD! We'd never been there before, but it's really classy and yummy. We'll have to go there for dinner sometime soon, so we can partake of the wine bar!

I like working, so I'm kind of sad this is my last day. But it'll be nice not to have to get up at 6:30 am for another few days/weeks. :D